List of What You Need for a Successful New Years Eve

A well fueled get-a-way car
Broad shoulders
A pound of sugar
14 ounces of lemon juice
Access to a hospital
A belt to hold your drinking accessories
The ability to distinguish between foreign and domestic
7 hours of consciousness
2 hours (min) of unconsciousness
Sopressata

List of Holidays That are Tomorrow

Christmas


The Stunning List will be away from the computer for the beginning of next week - please forgive me for pre-posting next weeks list today.

List of Prior Entries, I Would Like To Retract

Attention Stunning Readers, are you aware that The Stunning List is officially one year old?!? Well, it is. Thanks to all of you for pressing me to keep it going, and for calling me out when the content is weak, and challenging me to be better. Sometimes, it's hard to come up with topics, and sometimes its hard to come up with content to support the awesome topics. Often times, loyal readers will question some entries, as they may not "make sense". To reward you all for your year of service, and not letting me get away with anything, it is at this time that I would like to retract some entries from previous submissions:

Windows for Dummies
Cheese Fries
The word "disempactment"
New Jersey
Thors dad
No Molly Hatchet
The 1978 Philadelphia Flyers
The Hawaiian Punch character, and his stupid spikey haircut
The Transformers transforming
My ex-girlfriends older brother, Nate
Missionary

Things That Used To Make Me Sad But No Longer Do

The tears of a clown
The collapse of the Corey's
Verps
Past tense
Empty sandboxes
Erin Gallagher
Vasectomy talk
Not working harder in 10th grade French class
The dentist

Bridges I Will Cross When I Come to Them

Daughters first date
The kidney stone
Daily shaving
Consistent success
Purchasing a mini-van
Being the hated Little League father/coach
Paying the tab at the Croft Corner Bar and Grill
Admitting to you that I watch House
Sydney Harbour Bridge

List of Guitarists

Apparently, one of the rock and roll magazines has recently published a "Top 100 Guitarist of All Time" list, and it is making the rounds today, causing some controversy. Please enjoy this *special edition* Stunning List, to help quell this fire.

List of Best Guitarist
Jeff Beck
Brian May (he was able to pull out some serious riffs, despite standing next to Freddie Mercury and his various outfits)
Eddie Van Halen (hate the guy, but respect him)
Eric Johnson (three words: Cliffs of Dover)
Rocky Smurf




List of Not Good Guitarists
The dude form Metallica
Wolfgang Van Halen (he is, however, a really good eater)
Bono (he just holds the guitar, its pretty lame.)
Billy Joel (Ever see him live? He always plays guitar for We Didn’t Start the Fire - lame guitar sound for a lame song)
Hillary Duff

JBL and PH - thanks for alerting me to the existence of this horrific Top 100 list.

List of Instructions for Having Drinks With Me

When I say "dance"... you best dance.
Money stays on the bar at all times, and we let the bartender draw funds - it helps to reduce the overall tip at the end of the nightWe don’t use change or single dollar bills in the juke box - only 5's and 20's are allowed.
If we argue about anything related to geography, just give me a pen and a napkin and I will show you that I'm right.
No chicken wings - we eat chicken fingers, with wing sauce in a bowl.
No making fun of how long it takes me to go to the men's room.
If anyone asks, my name is Roy and I'm either a tug boat operator, or a re-enactment actor.
Your name can't be Roy.

List of Rules for Borrowing My Car

Don’t ruin the smell
No valets are allowed inside
Any change left in the seats is mine
Don’t use my chapstick - there was an incident once
No Molly Hatchet
Do not open the trunk
If you get pulled over, everything inside is technically yours
If you can manage to reach that one McDonald fry between the gearbox and the passenger seat, I'll be jealous, but it's yours man

Things Said By Me or To Me in Atlantic City This Weekend

"Purple in play."
"Lets try and get those guys to have a rickshaw race."
"Dollar YO for my girl in the hoop earrings!"
"You guys can not have a joust fight in this room."
"I'll let you know how much they charge us for the broken table."
"Did you see the girl in the green sweater?" - [note: I heard this 7 times, from 7 different people]
"Sir, the woman in the hoop earnings does not want to accept your dollar YO."
"Sir, as I told you last time, the girl in the hoops doesn’t want you to play the YO for her."
"Yes. The guy in the hat, will accept your dollar YO."

List Things I Have Started Colleting With No Intention of Doing So

Broken Belts
Paper clips
Half eaten power bars
Email addresses
Parking tickets
Ugly furniture
Unread books
Pint glasses
Cellulite units

List of Things I Might Start Collecting

Antique water
Presidential spoons
Dane Cook playing cards
Rags
Locks of your hair
$100 bills
Allison Stokke dolls
Unemployment

List of Chapter Titles to the Book I'm Writing

My Workout Plan: A Work in Progress
The Lock Picking Kit That Never Was
My Struggle Against Legionnaires Disease
Alert - Girl In The Vicinity!
The Last Brain Cell
911 Hung Up On Me
When Will They Break Up? - The Wait and See
The Greatest Magic Trick in the World: Sawing a Woman in Half

List of Things I Love About North Country Cougars

Not shy
Leopard skin everything
Free quarters for video-games/pinball machines
They pay
Talk may often shift to car gear related subjects
Slow dancing in bars
Mom jeans
High chance of having kids my age

List of Recent Problems With the Stunning Lists

Loss of inspiration
Golden handcuffs
Been too busy taking dance lessons to concentrate on quality topics
Font selection's got me down
Carpel
No one posts any comments (its easy! Use a fake email.)
It has not been a very Stunning Fall

List of Things To Remember Aboot Hockey (NHL Opening Weekend edition)

The Torpedo
Fighting
It's still a viable professional sport
The 1978 Philadelphia Flyers
Gives Canadians a reason to wake up each day
New streamlined unis
Supermodels get awesome seats at the Garden

List of Something I Was Not Prepared For this Week

The biggest collapse in Major League Baseball history

List of Things I Need - (please send, if able)

A Notre Dame victory
New pillows
Bedroom door
A couch that I didn’t source from eBay
One large binder to hold all my Wikipedia printouts
Two more rooms and a separate space for my shower
Detailed tri-state area map with all go-kart tracks marked
A puppy, some ice cream, and a box of fireworks

List of Questions I Thought About, When My Friend Told Me His Wife Was Pregnant

Will I have ever have to hold the baby?
Is "Whiskey Night" still going to happen?
Can he buy futures on college tuition?
Can I make an over/under on labor hours?
What will be the median price of a home, when this new person is ready for home-ownership?
I wonder if he is getting rid of his baseball tickets…..
What kind of financial obligation will I have for this child?

List of Things You Don’t Want To Hear A Doctor Say

"How'd that get in there?"
"I cant seem to keep steady…has anyone seen my whiskey?"
"Roads? Where we're going, we don’t need roads."
"Swear to god, that was drunkest I've ever been. Now, let's see that spleen."
"Oops."
"Open up wide… wow… not that wide."
"Having my hands here, is perfectly normal."
"It’s a girl!"

List of What Appalachian State Alums Were Doing a Week Ago

Telling people how to pronounce their schools name
Convincing recruiters that "it don't no matter where you go to college"
Printing up Western New England College diplomas for their office/study
Talking about the Week 2 match up against Lenoir-Rhyne
Interviewing for jobs at Sam Goodie
Convincing friends and family that they are qualified to eat at the adult table this Thanksgiving
Propping up the money line in Vegas

List of Reasons to Grow a Moustache

People might start to call you 'stache'
Kids will fear you
Ned Flanders related comments and jokes
Good accompaniment for your truck and/or boots
Keith Hernandez has one
People will openly mock you, but secretly, want to be you
More sunglass choices

List of Things That Never Happened to Me

Olympic glory
A savings account
An indecent proposal
The 4-minute mile
Lead roll in a high school play/musical
Turkish prison
A guilt-free high school graduation

List of Reasons Why 'Scrubs' Is a Terrible Show

Zack Braff

List of My Favorite Moments from The Transformers Movie (2007)

The Transformers fighting
The Transformers driving
The Transformers speaking
The Transformers saying cornball things
The Transformers shooting things
The Transformers talking about the old days
The Transformers protecting humans
The guy behind me talking on his mobile phone
The Transformers transforming

List of Things That Should Never Be Said, When Giving Directions

"Right in the same place that Indian graveyard used to be"
"After paying Tommy the hush money, he will show you which house the body is in"
"Across the street from the place where you lost control of your car"
"Take off the manhole cover, and proceed with caution"
"Remember that place I told you never to go? There"
"Go left at the intersection, where the guy with the pink-thong is standing"
"Actually, he lives with your ex-girlfriend"

List of Reasons Why I May Dislike You

You stole my retainer
I saw you riding the short-bus one time
You have an elevator in your building
Two words: wide feet
You made fun of my color-blindness
I am pretty biased on 'pretty-boys'
You purposely called me the wrong name
That moustache is really distracting

List of Reasons to Visit a Foreign Country

Export their oil and gas on your terms
Check out buildings that really are 'old'
You can help confirm other peoples opinions on Americans
Stock up on new immunities
Free meals on international flights
Show off your knowledge of Major League Baseball
New medical technologies (AmbienCR) allow for less jet lag
Getting drunk is fun, no matter where you are

List of the Best Reason to Have Children

Pre-boarding on all airlines
Will change the television station, when batteries in remote die
Series EE savings bonds
Cheap, industrial labor
Chicks dig 'em
They attract more attention than the cubic zirconium on your lady's left hand
Designated driver, in waiting
You can check out the toy aisle, without violating your parole

List of Words That Only Make Sense In Video Games

Hit Points
Energy
Sand World
Portal
1-up
Impliment
Sir Edricks Armour
Reset button

People I Dislike, Whom I Think You Should Consider Disliking

Randy, from American Idol
Those responsible for suppressing Pauly Shores career
The Pacific Ocean
Thor's Dad
The guy in the grape suit, in the Fruit of the Loom gang
Doctor Zizmore
The Hawaiian Punch character, and his stupid spikey haircut
The executive who shot down Flintstones Chewable Vitamins for Adults
The person who took the 'cents' key off the modern-day keyboard.
Dan Brown

List of Things I Think About Whilst Jumping Rope on My Roof

The time I almost fell off the roof while cleaning it up
What the person in the apartment below is hearing
What the dude and his girlfriend on the balcony across the street are thinking about as they awkwardly watch me
The Rocky Balboa arm-cross jump rope maneuver
The word "disempactment"
How I probably look ridiculous in my white v-neck and black work socks, jumping a rope, on my rooftop

Things I Can Make

Dinner napkin art
A room dirty
Tinfoil balls
A glass empty
The phone ring
Myself disappear
A shoe stink

List of Possible Reasons, for Not Posting a List, On Any Given Monday

It was a holiday
I was off at the dentist
BAC level still not steady
The Mets game went in to extra innings
I was in Phoenix
I was up all night, looking for my retainer
I was watching Footloose, and forgot

List of Fictional Places, I Would Like to Go To

The Regal Beagle
The Mos Eisley Cantina
That really cool floating Chinese restaurant in Blade Runner
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Wally World
Hotel Coral Essex
1950's America

List of the Best Things To Do at a Wedding

Count your drinks, thru the use of digital photography
Ask some distant aunts to dance
Swap places with the bartender for a minute, so he can use the rest room
Shoot hoops
Get an early collection going for necessary bail money
Ask your girlfriend if she "wants to have one of these some day" and then laugh
Rip the crotch of your pants
The Robot

List of Magazines I Would Like to See Published

The Upstate New Yorker
Entry Level Cranberry Farming
Spy vs. Spy
Derivatives and Guns
Awesome Affordable Housing Magazine
Mets-Jets-Devils-Notre Dame Weekly
Life Magazine

List of Names I Would Use, If I Were a Non-mainstream Superhero

Hung-over Man
Oxygen Consuming-boy
The Couch Sleeper
Ultimate Window Opener
Doggie Paddler
Off-Balanceman
Wayne Chrebet

List of People(s) Who May Qualify to Be My Nemesis

Girls in pink Red Sox hats
Dudes with wrap around sunglasses
People without EZ-pass
Persons who think their soup is not "hot enough"
Pick-up truck owners, who don't help people move
People who stand at Ranger games
Gelflings
People who call Nintendo 'Ninny'
The letter 'R'
My ex-girlfriends older brother, Nate
Bruce Jenner
Those who hid Bobby Valentine in the dugout, after he was ejected from games
The Ayatollah
You

List of Reasons Why You Need To Take a Shower First

You were the last one in the pool
The water turns brown after 8 minutes of use
I'm afraid of the water spiders
The dryer has not warmed my towel enough yet
I need to run down to the Duane Reade to get new socks
I'm pretty sure someone put all the empties from last night in there
The steam should help to un-wrinkle my shirt
If you are going to be alone in my living room, three is a ton of stuff I need to hide

List of My Favorite Baseball Positions -** Opening Day Special**

Second Base
Catcher
Third Base
Left Field
Pitcher
Right Field
First Base
Center Field
Shortstop
Missionary

Phrases I Use, Which People Don’t Generally Understand

"As pretty as an airport"
"Drinking the rainbow"
"Running the old mill"
"High slugging percentage"
"Maybe mucho takka-takka for you tonight"
"Pressing ham"
"I'm glad you're here"
"Penguin f'er"
"You would have been perfect in Mannequin"
"That guy's a quimby"
"Mom, I'm home."

List of Places I Want To Go With You, Someday

The Congo
The Television & Radio Museum in Queens
Shang-Hi Kelly's
A Mets World Series game
The rock of Gibraltar
A taping of Austin City Limits
Crater Lake/Wizard Island
St. Johns, Newfoundland
Outer space
Cell block 4
The bottom of Cayuga Lake
A movie premiere
An underground gambling hall
Your parents house

List of Things to Know, Before You Rent My Apartment for the Weekend

It is very windy in there, please bring a sweater
None of the floors are level
If you use my computer, please do not open the folder labeled "Angels"
Do not move the clock
If the ladder up to the bed comes loose, there is a hammer under the sink so you can nail it back to the wall
Do not open the freezer
Please do not remove any of the stickers you may find around the place
The elevator is broken
Maximum capacity: 17 persons
The sound you hear at 9pm each night, is not someone playing the drums
Please don’t use my towels (for your protection & mine)
Be nice to my neighbor Anne
The fireplace might work, but please don’t be the one to find out that it does not
No smoking

List of Things I Want to Be the Best At

Cursive writing
Name that Tune
Credit card shredding
Planetary colonization
E-mail in-box maintenance
Letter writing
Riding dirty
Garbage can fading jumpers
Long division
Talking to models
Windows 3.1
Life

E-mail Subject Headers, From My "favorite e-mails" Folder

RE: what ship is Jimmy on?
Re: don't be an October basher
Pirates' Effect on Global Warming
RE: HANG UP ON THEM
FW: Hasselhoff_2006_Calendar.pdf
RE: you looked great in lazy pj's and glasses
Fw: Greetings fellow Instructional Designers
RE: Top 10 bourbon movies
RE: Dear Pluto…
RE: EBay Cash or Sucking the Yankee's d*cks
RE: MattyandtheStun.com
RE: Lets make Sans Pantaloon's a reality
For Sale: Braden Looper
notice from US Curling Federation
RE: Dear Phoenix, please hide your bears
RE: Staches, Ponies, and MaryLou
The Cranberry: Red, round, and profitable
RE: Josh - BP - Operation: WOODEN BEAVER
RE: Thusday is latin for Kareoke
Re: (no subject)

List of Songs That Remind me of Other People

The Vengabus - The Vengaboys
People are People - Depeche Mode
Mona Lisa's and Mad Hatters - Elton John
Jackson Canery - Ben Folds Five
The Milkshake Song - Kelis
I'm Five - Barbara Streisand
Moose with a Cowlick - The Minnesota Moose Players
Double Vision - Foreigner
Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth with Money in My Hand… - Primitive Radio GodsFairytale of New York - The Pogues
Eruption - Van Halen
Two Tickets to Paradise - Eddie Money
Putting on the Ritz - Taco
Feed the Tree - Belly
Paradise by the Dashboard Light - Meatloaf
Happy Birthday - Patty and Mildred Hill.

List of Movies I Would Like to Debate About With You

Innerspace
2001
Tron
Encino Man
Alien3
Career Opportunities
Ronin
An American in Paris
Can't Hardly Wait

List of Titles, I Would One Day Like to Obtain

Lunar Entrepreneur of the Year
Franklin Pierce Look-a-Like Award
Dictator of T-Shirted Persons
Inventor of the 99 Cent Coin
Master of the Ionosphere
Commander of the New Ark
Ruler of Dutchess County
Engineer of the First Interplanetary Water-Balloon Slingshot
Minister of Financial Wastefulness (I may already own this one)
Olympic Champion
Homeowner

Best Particular Drinks In Given Bars/Houses/Etc, I Loved the Best, and in What Season

Swithwicks at Central Bar - New York, NY - Fall 2006
Absolute Killers at Bertie's - Poughkeepsie, NY - Spring 1996
Guinness at Kinsale Tavern - New York, NY - Fall 2001
Campari on the Rocks at the Knitting Factory - Fall 2005
Busch Light at the Utica Inn - Utica, NY - Summer 1997
Greyhounds at Siros - Saratoga, NY - Summer 2004
Coors Light at Poleski's - Clinton Corners, NY - Summer 1990
Staropramen at the Beer Garden - Astoria, NY - Spring 2002
Carlo Rossi at The Cabin - North Creek, NY - Winter, 2004
Johnny Walker Black at the Condo - Jackson, WY - Winter 2004
Martinis at Caitlin's Place - London, England - Fall 1998
Gin Gimletts at the Chicago Planetarium - Chicago, IL - Spring 2006
Labatt Blue at the Riverwood - North Creek, NY - Winter 2003

Past TV Episodes I Wish I Could Watch Again

Different Strokes - the bike shop one with the guy that kid-touches Dudley
Quantum Leap - the last episode
Twilight Zone - the one where the pretty lady lives in a world of pigmen, and thinks she's ugly
Happy Days - the one where the Fonz actually jumps the shark
All in the Family - the one where Edith almost gets s*xually assaulted
The Brady Bunch - the one where the kids haunt the house, because they don’t want to move
Parker Lewis Cant Lose - the one where him and his girlfriend "watch cable", for the first time
The Muppet Show - the one with all of the Star Wars characters in it
Whoops! - the first episode, where the world blows up, but the main guy lives because he was in a Volvo at the time
Mamma's Family - one that might actually make me like the show

Top Books That I'd Love to Read, But Will Never Read

Moby Dick
For Whom the Bell Tolls
Grapes of Wrath
David Copperfield
Canterbury Tales
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Windows for Dummies
Tess of the d'Urbervilles
Beowulf
Dude, Where's My Car?

Things I Think Are Pretty Much a Waste of Time/Resources

Quinellas
Non-degree programs
New Jersey
Cheese fries
Portable telescopes
Rain in the winter
Microsoft Windows "on-screen" Post-It Notes
Middle-East Peace talks
Daytrips to Boston
The Westminster Dog Show
US Weekly