List of Contests That You and I Should Have

Moustache growing contest
Dirtiest feet
Fastest to spend $20
Worst stock portfolio
Most infrequent haircuts
Slantiest kitchen floor
Shortest jog time
Most dirty dishes
Pizza toss for distance - roof edition
Follow the bouncing check

List of Potential Names for the Thoroughbred I May Buy

Built for Glue
Strive for Second
That’s What She Said
Girlfriend in a Burlap Sack
Back Plow
Fecund Swamp
Stanley Cup Champion
Sans Pantalones (good name for a greyhound, too)

List of (Awesome) Bands You Had No Idea Were from Scotland

Soup Dragons
Mogwai
Travis
Teenage Fanclub
Franz Ferdinand
Simple Minds
Del Amitri
Garbage
Belle and Sebastian
Primal Scream

List of Things I Have Bought Yet Never Used

Rain-X window guard
Paul Newman's salad dressing
Mop
Presidential spoon set
Dyson vacuum
Merriam Webster Thesaurus
Window squeegee
Diced garlic in a jar
Hair conditioner
Tennis racquet