List of Names I Would Use, If I Were a Non-mainstream Superhero

Hung-over Man
Oxygen Consuming-boy
The Couch Sleeper
Ultimate Window Opener
Doggie Paddler
Off-Balanceman
Wayne Chrebet

List of People(s) Who May Qualify to Be My Nemesis

Girls in pink Red Sox hats
Dudes with wrap around sunglasses
People without EZ-pass
Persons who think their soup is not "hot enough"
Pick-up truck owners, who don't help people move
People who stand at Ranger games
Gelflings
People who call Nintendo 'Ninny'
The letter 'R'
My ex-girlfriends older brother, Nate
Bruce Jenner
Those who hid Bobby Valentine in the dugout, after he was ejected from games
The Ayatollah
You

List of Reasons Why You Need To Take a Shower First

You were the last one in the pool
The water turns brown after 8 minutes of use
I'm afraid of the water spiders
The dryer has not warmed my towel enough yet
I need to run down to the Duane Reade to get new socks
I'm pretty sure someone put all the empties from last night in there
The steam should help to un-wrinkle my shirt
If you are going to be alone in my living room, three is a ton of stuff I need to hide

List of My Favorite Baseball Positions -** Opening Day Special**

Second Base
Catcher
Third Base
Left Field
Pitcher
Right Field
First Base
Center Field
Shortstop
Missionary

Phrases I Use, Which People Don’t Generally Understand

"As pretty as an airport"
"Drinking the rainbow"
"Running the old mill"
"High slugging percentage"
"Maybe mucho takka-takka for you tonight"
"Pressing ham"
"I'm glad you're here"
"Penguin f'er"
"You would have been perfect in Mannequin"
"That guy's a quimby"
"Mom, I'm home."