List of Things I Need - (please send, if able)

A Notre Dame victory
New pillows
Bedroom door
A couch that I didn’t source from eBay
One large binder to hold all my Wikipedia printouts
Two more rooms and a separate space for my shower
Detailed tri-state area map with all go-kart tracks marked
A puppy, some ice cream, and a box of fireworks

List of Questions I Thought About, When My Friend Told Me His Wife Was Pregnant

Will I have ever have to hold the baby?
Is "Whiskey Night" still going to happen?
Can he buy futures on college tuition?
Can I make an over/under on labor hours?
What will be the median price of a home, when this new person is ready for home-ownership?
I wonder if he is getting rid of his baseball tickets…..
What kind of financial obligation will I have for this child?

List of Things You Don’t Want To Hear A Doctor Say

"How'd that get in there?"
"I cant seem to keep steady…has anyone seen my whiskey?"
"Roads? Where we're going, we don’t need roads."
"Swear to god, that was drunkest I've ever been. Now, let's see that spleen."
"Oops."
"Open up wide… wow… not that wide."
"Having my hands here, is perfectly normal."
"It’s a girl!"

List of What Appalachian State Alums Were Doing a Week Ago

Telling people how to pronounce their schools name
Convincing recruiters that "it don't no matter where you go to college"
Printing up Western New England College diplomas for their office/study
Talking about the Week 2 match up against Lenoir-Rhyne
Interviewing for jobs at Sam Goodie
Convincing friends and family that they are qualified to eat at the adult table this Thanksgiving
Propping up the money line in Vegas