List of Places I Want To Go With You, Someday

The Congo
The Television & Radio Museum in Queens
Shang-Hi Kelly's
A Mets World Series game
The rock of Gibraltar
A taping of Austin City Limits
Crater Lake/Wizard Island
St. Johns, Newfoundland
Outer space
Cell block 4
The bottom of Cayuga Lake
A movie premiere
An underground gambling hall
Your parents house

List of Things to Know, Before You Rent My Apartment for the Weekend

It is very windy in there, please bring a sweater
None of the floors are level
If you use my computer, please do not open the folder labeled "Angels"
Do not move the clock
If the ladder up to the bed comes loose, there is a hammer under the sink so you can nail it back to the wall
Do not open the freezer
Please do not remove any of the stickers you may find around the place
The elevator is broken
Maximum capacity: 17 persons
The sound you hear at 9pm each night, is not someone playing the drums
Please don’t use my towels (for your protection & mine)
Be nice to my neighbor Anne
The fireplace might work, but please don’t be the one to find out that it does not
No smoking

List of Things I Want to Be the Best At

Cursive writing
Name that Tune
Credit card shredding
Planetary colonization
E-mail in-box maintenance
Letter writing
Riding dirty
Garbage can fading jumpers
Long division
Talking to models
Windows 3.1
Life

E-mail Subject Headers, From My "favorite e-mails" Folder

RE: what ship is Jimmy on?
Re: don't be an October basher
Pirates' Effect on Global Warming
RE: HANG UP ON THEM
FW: Hasselhoff_2006_Calendar.pdf
RE: you looked great in lazy pj's and glasses
Fw: Greetings fellow Instructional Designers
RE: Top 10 bourbon movies
RE: Dear Pluto…
RE: EBay Cash or Sucking the Yankee's d*cks
RE: MattyandtheStun.com
RE: Lets make Sans Pantaloon's a reality
For Sale: Braden Looper
notice from US Curling Federation
RE: Dear Phoenix, please hide your bears
RE: Staches, Ponies, and MaryLou
The Cranberry: Red, round, and profitable
RE: Josh - BP - Operation: WOODEN BEAVER
RE: Thusday is latin for Kareoke
Re: (no subject)