List of Guitarists

Apparently, one of the rock and roll magazines has recently published a "Top 100 Guitarist of All Time" list, and it is making the rounds today, causing some controversy. Please enjoy this *special edition* Stunning List, to help quell this fire.

List of Best Guitarist
Jeff Beck
Brian May (he was able to pull out some serious riffs, despite standing next to Freddie Mercury and his various outfits)
Eddie Van Halen (hate the guy, but respect him)
Eric Johnson (three words: Cliffs of Dover)
Rocky Smurf




List of Not Good Guitarists
The dude form Metallica
Wolfgang Van Halen (he is, however, a really good eater)
Bono (he just holds the guitar, its pretty lame.)
Billy Joel (Ever see him live? He always plays guitar for We Didn’t Start the Fire - lame guitar sound for a lame song)
Hillary Duff

JBL and PH - thanks for alerting me to the existence of this horrific Top 100 list.

List of Instructions for Having Drinks With Me

When I say "dance"... you best dance.
Money stays on the bar at all times, and we let the bartender draw funds - it helps to reduce the overall tip at the end of the nightWe don’t use change or single dollar bills in the juke box - only 5's and 20's are allowed.
If we argue about anything related to geography, just give me a pen and a napkin and I will show you that I'm right.
No chicken wings - we eat chicken fingers, with wing sauce in a bowl.
No making fun of how long it takes me to go to the men's room.
If anyone asks, my name is Roy and I'm either a tug boat operator, or a re-enactment actor.
Your name can't be Roy.

List of Rules for Borrowing My Car

Don’t ruin the smell
No valets are allowed inside
Any change left in the seats is mine
Don’t use my chapstick - there was an incident once
No Molly Hatchet
Do not open the trunk
If you get pulled over, everything inside is technically yours
If you can manage to reach that one McDonald fry between the gearbox and the passenger seat, I'll be jealous, but it's yours man

Things Said By Me or To Me in Atlantic City This Weekend

"Purple in play."
"Lets try and get those guys to have a rickshaw race."
"Dollar YO for my girl in the hoop earrings!"
"You guys can not have a joust fight in this room."
"I'll let you know how much they charge us for the broken table."
"Did you see the girl in the green sweater?" - [note: I heard this 7 times, from 7 different people]
"Sir, the woman in the hoop earnings does not want to accept your dollar YO."
"Sir, as I told you last time, the girl in the hoops doesn’t want you to play the YO for her."
"Yes. The guy in the hat, will accept your dollar YO."

List Things I Have Started Colleting With No Intention of Doing So

Broken Belts
Paper clips
Half eaten power bars
Email addresses
Parking tickets
Ugly furniture
Unread books
Pint glasses
Cellulite units