List of Reasons to Grow a Moustache

People might start to call you 'stache'
Kids will fear you
Ned Flanders related comments and jokes
Good accompaniment for your truck and/or boots
Keith Hernandez has one
People will openly mock you, but secretly, want to be you
More sunglass choices

List of Things That Never Happened to Me

Olympic glory
A savings account
An indecent proposal
The 4-minute mile
Lead roll in a high school play/musical
Turkish prison
A guilt-free high school graduation

List of Reasons Why 'Scrubs' Is a Terrible Show

Zack Braff