List of Dudes Who Need Thier Asses Kicked

The UPS White Board guy
Ponce DeLeon
Dane Cook, obviously
This guy
The dude in the elevator humming, "Here Comes That Rainy Day Feeling Again."
'Price is Right' Drew Carey, preferably by the left foot of 'Original Drew Carey'

List of Things You Didn't Know About the U.S. Congress

Current salary (2008): $169,300 per year
Approval rating is rarely above 50%; averages 35-40%
Ben Franklin proposed they not be paid for their services
From 1789 to 1815, members only received a per diem of $6.00 while in session
The Senate can add amendments and riders to a bill, the House really can't
Congress is the source of major policy making in the US, not the President
Before 1984, Members of Congress did not pay Social Security taxes
Axl Rose has never been a member of the US Legislature
"2 senators per state" is the least democratic item in the Constitution
Members receive retirement and health benefits after five years
There are no term limits for Members of Congress

Members of the Stunners Congressional staff would need to be proficient in MS Word, Outlook and Excel, in addition to being exceptional at Tetris. Comprehensive knowledge of the Erie Canal a must. Do not submit resume. Please send one single 8x10 photo, color or B&W, with name and number on the back. Must own your own Game Boy. We are gonna earmark spend our way to the top, baby.

List of People Who Could Really Use a Yo-11

The Shooter
Hoops
The Boys
Guy in the hat
Me
Dear god, please, me
Seriously, can I get one dollar Yo please?

List of Odd People I Would Like to Meet/Speak to on an Airplane

The Steely Dan Back-up Singers
Audrie, from the original Vacation
A WWII veteran
Hans Gruber (Hans... bubbie, put away the gun)
Freddy Mercury's brother, Harold
Scott Norwood
Samantha Fox
The inventor of the McRib
Bobby Valentine (en route to Tokyo, only)
Dr. House