Things That My Wife Doesn't Know

I pee in the kitchen sink when she is in the shower
I switched the caf for decaf
I TOTALLY paid for the groceries last week
My car requires 93 or better octane
I got wasted last Tuesday at work

List of Things I Can't Quit

Trying to make my hook shot work
Chewing on pen caps
Breathing
Forgetting to zip my zipper
Thinking the grass is always greener
The ponies
Losing money (see above)
Saving metal coffee cans
Ring around the collar
You

Best Things That Come in a Bucket

Slop

Feed
Water (especially when something is on fire)
Paint
Pistachios
Horse semen
Berries
Baptists
Maple syrup
Tecate