List of My Favorite Letters

R (obviously, only when said by a pirate)
Resignation
The sponsors of tomorrows Sesame Street
Anything sporting an oomlot
Silence Dogood letters
The Schwa
Ding

What You Can Do This Sunday, In the Absence of Football

Talk to your kids about drugs
Speculate on the future of Johan Santana
Refinance your house (new lower rates, available today!)
Clean the crock-pot
Wait outside Giselle's apartment, to catch a glimpse of Tom Brady
Move to Canada (new lower rates, also available today!)
Come over my place, and "watch my day"
Go outside, perhaps take a jog

List of Conversation Items That Are Bound to Pop Up at the Dinner Table, When I am the Dad

"Here's why they should bring back the designated hitter"
"No desert until you finish your pill-form brussel sprouts"
"Well, if you didn’t forget to put the car in park, why has it floated 19 feet in the air?"
"You should definitely take your cousin to the prom"
"Has it ever occurred to you, that you have…….
"Old Spice made this family what it is - I'll de damned if you wont wear it"
"Computers aren't for downloading music, they are for spreadsheets"
"Waterbeds? Those have been illegal for as far back as I can remember"
"Your mother and I were different people back then"

Things I Do To Cope With the Darkness

Cower in fear
Prank call my aunt
Pretend not to hear the people up on my roof
Hug my Pound Puppy
Light up the room with the Clapper
Build a pillow fort
Put new entries in my ships' log
Imagine that there is a good monster in my room, that is protecting me from the bad one