List of Problems With My Beard

People constantly think i live in Brooklyn
The sides...really are not growing in at all
Ex-cons give me a knowing glance because of my "Prison P"
Cowlicks
Discovering that i am apparently graying slightly
I'm beyond the faux-beard level, where I resemble Dr. House
Dad calls me a bum (although, this is not really a new phenomenon)
One word: Manscaping

List of Things We Learned From Movies

Women have biological clocks that tick.
A Sicilian can not refuse any request on his daughters wedding day
Corned Beef sandwiches lead to orgasms in females
Young boys from north England can become fantastic ballet dancers
Ed Burns sucks
If the entire stadium chants your name, you will make the big sack at the end of the game
Hal can't do that Dave
You're not done with the past, until the past is done with you
Gangs from Coney Island are the toughest
There can be only one
It's a trap

List of Movies, I am Still Awaiting Production Of

Thundercats
How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days Two
Confessions of a Zero-Worshiper
Pregnant Teen Wolf
Leonard: Part I, II, III, IV, and V
Un-Heroic: The Untold Story of the French During WWII
Websters Dictionary
Chronicles of Stunner